One whole week into the new program and I finally got my kick in the nuts.
Was it the endless online exams?
No.
How about the in-house ground school?
No.
The little issue about draining the airframe fuel filter without the boost pumps being on, possibly causing an air lock in the fuel system followed by a potential flameout in someone else’s machine and the quality assurance guy on the maintenance side vocalizing his displeasure about having to bleed said system while the customer was waiting?
None of the above.
Today I finally found out how much a 100 hr pilot gets paid and I am still trying to catch my breath.
What a whirlwind couple of weeks it has been. I never imagined that being stranded in civilization could be more trying than in the weeds.
So what could bring one to thoughts like these? Hmm… two weeks ago I was bitching that drowning on land was a serious concern. We also found out that same week that the tundra could catch fire in winter/spring conditions, all it requires is enough petroleum based fuels inattentive drillers and an errant flame.
Hot dog if that weren’t enough how about six people spending the night in a shack barely big enough for the two people it’s actually meant for? We had a whole bunch of happy campers stranded at the drill for 14 hours when Mother Nature shat the bed when no one was looking. Let me tell you that it is an odd feeling back in camp knowing that 6 people aren’t coming home tonight and that much more troubling when the helicopter is out there with them. All turned out well though.
Well for four of them, you see for the other two it was just another night shift. Dan couldn’t have been happier as for the first time in four weeks he had someone to talk to at night. You see Dan’s helper spoke English. Well the whole crew spoke English except for Dan. They all spoke French though. Well that is everybody except for Dan’s helper. So I guess they were both pretty happy to have someone to talk to.
Well the last laugh was on them cuz 24 hours later Ma Nature couldn’t reach for the Imodium fast enough and Dan and Randell went out for their shift and didn’t return for two and a half days. They decided that the best way to deal with their situation was to have core box fights, kind of like pillow fights only with 5foot lengths of manipulated plywood. Somehow I don’t think there was any giggling involved.
Each one of them had someone to talk to on there next shift though.
So why would anyone want to give up that kind of an adventure to chase up some crazy dream? Given the ice bag resting on my lap I am having a hard time answering that one. It was pretty exciting for the first week though. Getting the private grand tour of the whole operation by the company President. Handed the keys to the company van and directions to the crew house where upon arrival I was offered a heaping helping of
Betty Crocker’s stovetop mashed potatoes for dinner. Then there was the pilot decision making course on Sunday, followed by more of it on Monday and a bit of ribbing about finishing up exams. Tuesday a bit more program orientation was followed by a little bit of a shit storm about having not finished the exams. Tuesday night I went to work on those bastards. Knocked off one of them and failed the other one more time before nailing it at 1AM. Only three more to go by then (one as you read this).
So during this period we are given company reference manuals followed by information about how to fill out the required company paper work just in case some of us want to see a paycheck: “If you don’t put your name on your flight ticket’s I won’t pay you!” A moot point considering that after training the only thing I am likely to be flying is a broom in
Norman Wells. This whole time my computer bag is so stuffed full of paper I am thinking on the one hand how I am going to need a new “flight” bag and on the other how it appears that while I have achieved my goal of gaining employment in aviation I haven’t yet put my name on the dotted line.
So today when I am feeling more comfortable about my progress and in a position to enjoy the whole process I decide to pay a visit to the HR department. Apparently someone there had been told what my salary is and when it was finally disclosed to me Lucifer had the deed and title to my soul as I had already signed the required forms in triplicate and I still have yet to fly anything.
I have got to learn to be less enthusiastic…
I fear now that given my current salary that death from liver function is a very real possibility.
And I left the comfort of the Barrenlands for what? It certainly wasn’t the paycheque.
Over the years I may have bitched about life in the Jungle that is the far north, but I learned recently that I shouldn’t knock a good thing. For you see those unfortunate souls who spent those nights out there on behalf of Mother Nature were fortunate enough to discover the one thing that had been missing from the whole operation this season and I could use them more than ever now.
Bananas!
