Garbage Day...Everyday!

I have been getting feedback that this job must really suck. Perhaps it is because I only write about the shitty things, why else would anybody be interested? Now I think it is time to spew on about something that I really enjoy about my job…and the Arctic.

Garbage!

I am the garbage man and I love my trips to the transfer station. I am the master of the ultimate “Arctic Recycling” program. For those unfamiliar with the program I can sum it up thusly: I take what was given from the earth and return it to the sky.

Not exactly the most environmentally responsible act performed up here, but it is definitely one of the most dangerous. While geologists go on that the ultimate goal of their career is to be responsible for a great big hole in the ground. I am not too sure that I feel quite the same about my contribution to the ever expanding hole in the Ozone layer. You see, good garbage disposal involves liberal application of fossil fuels and their by-products. If you are a little offended by the concept of the preferred method of garbage disposal, I could refer one and all to the section in our land use agreement that states specifically that all food waste must be incinerated on site and that any thing that can be burned shall be burned. I paraphrase of course but the gist of it is that I have full territorial authority to create big-ass fires. And if you are still not convinced come up here and visit the landfill of one of the local communities and then have fly over of my camp. We may not get ISO approval. But we will win the gold medal for “cleanliness”

So today I offer up the following: a how to reference guide in the art of camp waste disposal as there are a select few out there that need the guidance…you know who you are. Contact me directly if you want the PDF.

The Essentials

1: Garbage.

Kitchens are a great place for this, unfortunately our cook is real good at using leftovers in other meals and as a result she provides me with by far the least amount of food waste ever. While on the one hand this is a good thing the other says “Damn! Fewer fires.”

The Ingredients

2: The appropriate incinerating device.

There are specific propane powered units available for this specific purpose but our land use agreement states that we may use empty 45 gallon drums. Fortunately we have no shortage of these. Cut the top off and poke it with a few holes, but the real key is to make a big ass hole near about 3” from the bottom of the can roughly about a half a square foot.

3: The wick

Cardboard boxes packed with more flattened and folded cardboard boxes. We seem to have no shortage of cardboard here, there may not be any trees out here but I am positive that if I look hard enough I will find a cardboard farm out here somewhere. Find a box that will fit with in the can but not take up all of the available space. Fill the box as tightly as possible with more cardboard. Bonus points for tidiness. Place in the bottom of the can.

4: Liquid fire



The aforementioned fossil fuels. We have no shortage of flammable liquids here. Take your pick. While I would love to just grab a full one I am finding more than enough “waste” fuels to do the trick. The main one is P50 (diesel), but there is also an abundance of JetB from the helicopter. The P50 is kerosene based whereas the Jet is naphtha based. I am no Poindexter but the ultimate difference being the flash point and the boom associated with. The jet has a much lower flash point so lights much easier. The P50 being higher and burns longer though consequently a bit dirtier. In short the jet fuel makes a hell of a big boom in a very short time if you let it soak too long and the diesel is less explosive but leaves one hell of a big black cloud. Gasoline is just plain crazy and don’t get me going about avgas. Also available to us is used motor oil and hydraulic oil.


Soak Liberaly

Procedure: With caution

Face the big ass hole on the empty “incinerator” into the wind. Insert cardboard box and soak liberally with liquid fire. Insert refuse, if in bags tear open and add more liquid fire. Be sure to not fill can over the rim as fluid available or in-use and the bang associated with it may leave the area with a mess quite unlike one was intending. Light carefully…then walk away briskly. Enjoy the fruits of your labour. For extra dramatic effect toss more fluid on, again very the amounts and distance tossed according to the flashpoint of the desired fluid. In the case of gasoline I have had the flames from the “incinerator” leap at near light speed back about 5+ feet to the bucket from which I tossed it. As mentioned gasoline is somewhat scary.


Fill to the rim

Dangers: Many

Batteries, aerosol cans, hidden pockets of low flash point fuel and being eaten by some creature that gets a whiff of the sweet aroma. Oh! There is also the possibility of burning to a crisp or suffocating if a boom is big enough.

Satans Workshop

Summary:

Garbage burning is one of the few instances in which the dreaded wind is appreciated as there is nothing like force feeding the incinerator more oxygen with which to make one hell of an inferno. My ultimate goal during waste disposal operations is to make a fire so hot, so big and so brown that sensors in NASA’s Earth Observation System will go absolutely ape shit. Mind you if that does happen I fear that a pink slip would soon follow the explosion. A boy can dream…


One hour later.

Thus far I can think of few objects able to withstand the holiday in hell. Among them are pipe wrench jaws, brocolli, and cantelope rinds. In fact I believe that brocolli and cantelope could be the most fire resistant items on earth and should they have adequate insulating properties could be the ultimate in home building materials. All natural and good for you as well.

Unlike my favorite occupation.